I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
