I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
