I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
