I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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