I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
love makes seman taste better
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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