i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
