It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
