i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
