I think im going to throw up on grandma
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
