I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
