So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
