That's when you crack a 10am beer
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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