I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
