do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
