i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
