how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
