took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
