honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
