he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
