she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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