We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
