So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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