I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
