Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
