i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
