Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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