i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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