id be glad to
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
