i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
