What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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