i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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