I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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