As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
