This girl is more easily done than said...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
