I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
