I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
