I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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