your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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