If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
