I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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