You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
