I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
