We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
