tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
