God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
