The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
