Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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