I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
