Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Randomize
