As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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