I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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