So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
