Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Randomize
